Like one of those toys with holes in a variety of shapes and pieces to match and push through the holes, kids’ holiday expectations can be too big or too unrealistic—a bit like forcing a tennis ball into a golf ball-sized hole or a heart into a circle. Lend them a hand!
The “e word” can be tough even for grown-ups
Helping a child means getting our own expectations reined in. Think of a friend who says, “I show my spouse what I want for Christmas, and they still buy something else!” Or what about the young adult “child” who wants to go skiing with a friend vs. coming home for the holidays? Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment (or worse), even for those of us who have made a few trips around the sun. Imagine being a child who has their heart set on something, whether a particular present or a “picture” of how things should be.
Our own idealized pictures are important too. A Mayo Clinic post titled “Coping with Holiday Stress: Keeping Realistic Expectations,” notes that “Expectations from past years can lead to feelings of not doing enough in preparation.” The article also reminds that “People change, and, as a result, your holidays change. Sometimes, compromising on having a gathering either just before or after the actual holiday is necessary. Remember that the time spent together is most important, more so than the date on the calendar.”
In turn, she suggests keeping kids’ attention spans in mind when making plans, trying to keep a regular bedtime and naptime schedule as much as possible, carrying lots of snacks, keeping schedules streamlined, and building in lots of downtime. Setting boundaries can include being ready to rescue them from overly affectionate relatives or saying no to their requests for still more treats.
Managing kids’ expectations about gifts
Of course, kids also have their own expectations. The Sawyer® website in a post to its Sidewalk Talk blog, titled “How to Manage Your Child’s Expectations Around the Holidays” offers a variety of tips including those around gifts. It urges parents to “Try to foresee what you know will be tricky,” “Be upfront,” and “Come up with an alternative.”
For example, “If you know your child wants something that they won't be receiving, like an iPad, be very clear about that so they can move on and, yes, be disappointed, but not hold onto any false hope.” And then it urges another techie gift that “scratches the same itch.”
The post also offers suggestions for teaching kids how to receive a gift graciously even one they don’t like. They conclude with this one: “Drive your point home by giving an example of a time you had to do this, too. It will make your child laugh and ensure that they understand the point is to be appreciative of the kind gesture and effort.” They also remind us to “Show that the holiday season is about giving as well as receiving.”
An article on the FeverMates® website, titled “10 Tips for Managing Your Child’s Gift Expectations,” urges parent to discuss the meaning of Christmas gifts. They suggest that “You may want to decide to only give handmade gifts, or set a budget. Let your children know what this is, and state you'll be sticking to it. That way, they may be aware that certain items are off the table.”
Focus kids and the whole family on needs “out there”
While it’s totally natural and OK for kids to be excited about the presents that dance in their heads like “visions of sugar plums,” the holidays are an ideal time to turn kids’ hearts and heads outside themselves.
Bright Horizons®, offering early education and child care through more than 1,000 facilities worldwide, posted “Teaching Kids Generosity: Getting and Giving During the Holidays,” which offers excellent tips for maximizing joy and gratitude. One is to teach kids that the world of advertising is designed to make us all want more and more. Another is to “Make quality family time the major holiday focus. Bake cookies, read books together, or play games. Start or continue beloved traditions.”
Similarly, the Penn State PROWellness, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping young people and their families make healthy choices, posted “12 Ways That Children Can Give Back This Season." One idea is to “Explore micro-volunteering through ‘quick acts of kindness.’” They note that Doing Good Together, a Minnesota-based nonprofit dedicated to making volunteering accessible to families, created the 30 Days of Kindness Challenge, which lists many ideas. Some include creating uplifting sidewalk chalk messages and leaving thank-you notes for trash removers and mail carriers to show appreciation.”
Here are a few other ways to get kids focused on giving vs. receiving:
• Shop for toys to donate to programs that set up donation boxes at area businesses
• Pull a tag from a “giving tree” that designates what a child, adult, or family wants and needs for Christmas—go bigger by collaborating with friends
• Gather up clothing and personal hygiene items for a homeless shelter
• Donate food to a pantry or food bank
• Prepare and deliver a meal to someone who is ill or alone
• Go through closets and donate coats that no longer fit or are worn
• Send cards or packages to military personnel stationed overseas
• Visit a care facility for seniors or help a senior in your neighborhood with chores
• Contact a pediatric hospital or unit and ask about holiday needs
Managing holiday expectations and remembering the true spirit of the season, will help reduce stress and disappointment and create a sweeter, more joyful atmosphere for celebrating, making memories, and learning lessons that will endure.
