Being a mom or dad is a big job. Really big. It comes with sleepless nights, lots of uncertainty, and no paycheck. Despite this, parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs, and learning is a big part of it! You learn, and they learn—all along the way.
From the day your child is born, you are teaching them. So, if you are entertaining the idea of homeschooling or are already doing it, know that you can succeed. You already have! Though the parent-educator role may seem daunting, you’ve got this! Granted, you’ll want to learn more about academic milestones and the best ways of helping kids reach them. You’ll also need to consider the challenges of balancing guidance with freedom. And in some cases, managing instruction for kids of different ages. But it’s doable. Building your confidence and staying flexible helps you support your child’s growth without overcontrolling.
Still need reassurance that you have what it takes to guide your kids’ educational journey? Keep reading! Find ideas for helpful resources and tips on being the best, most confident parent-teacher possible.
The power of confidence in parenting
We’ve all heard it: Parenting does not come with an instruction manual. To some degree, we’re all winging it. Elaine Taylor-Klaus, writing for Impact Parents, in “Confident Parenting - Why Bother”? likely speaks for many of us when she says, “I spent the first ten years of my life as a parent dancing with extreme doubt, interspersed with moments of cautious confidence.” However, confident parenting produces a ripple effect: It helps create calm, secure kids, and learners.
And teaching? Even for formally trained and credentialed classroom teachers, things come up daily that were not part of their formal training, not part of “the program.” What does confidence look like, in a parent or parent-educator? Basically, it’s about trusting your instincts, the ability to adapt, and commitment to your child’s best interests. Taylor-Claus notes confidence is “about knowing that whatever comes up, you are resourceful enough to figure out how to handle it.” Ditto for parent-educators. Confidence doesn’t mean having all the answers but being open to learning.
Tips to Build Confidence
Below are a few ideas for building confidence:
• Reflect on past successes (small wins count!) Remember that time you showed your child a new skill, but they didn’t get it and grew frustrated? Yet two days later they came to you with a big smile and proudly showed you they had mastered it? Score! You did it and so did they.
• Seek out trusted resources. These include books, parent groups (online and in-person), homeschool networks, and School Zone learning tools. In terms of communities, there are Reddit threads for parents new to homeschooling, Facebook pages for homeschoolers, and lots of websites listing homeschool organizations and support groups by state. (See specific sites under Tools and Resources further below).
• Practice self-compassion; no parent (or teacher) is perfect! We all have good days and less-good days, times when we hit the mark, and others, when we fall short. It’s practically a cliché, but we often learn the most from our mistakes.
Why flexibility is your superpower
Every child and situation is unique. Kids learn—and react—in different ways, at different speeds. If you have more than one child, you have probably discovered that what worked just right with your first child completely changed with the next one. Child 1 slept through the night at 3 months, but child 2 rarely did it at age 2. Child 1 finds your favorite tunes soothing but child 2 only calms down in total silence. And so it goes. Flexibility means adjusting your approach based on your child’s needs and approaches without losing your parenting values.
What does flexibility in action look like? It might include changing a routine when a child is overwhelmed or letting them make small choices, i.e., what to wear, which homework to do first, swap 15 minutes of doing X for 15 of doing Y, etc. Relinquishing tight control over non-essentials can result in big wins.
Supporting without overcontrolling: Finding the balance
It’s easy to slide into overcontrolling behaviors, especially when we feel stressed or uncertain. It can also happen simply from wanting the best for our kids. Inflexible enforcement of rules or standards can be the result. Unfortunately, our good intentions become barriers to independence.
Strategies for Avoiding Overcontrolling
Advance thought and planning can help avoid, recognize, and reduce overcontrolling. Here are a few strategies:
• Support your child where they are. Every parent wants their child to become the best version of who they are meant to be. And that is a process. Consider what makes them unique including their strengths and non-strengths and how they learn best. Are they primarily a visual learner? Auditory?
• Use scaffolding for lessons of all kinds—academic and practical. On the instructional side, scaffolded lessons build on students’ experience and knowledge to learn new skills. The IRIS Center provides a nice description along with examples. In terms of responsibility, it may seem obvious, but it’s important to teach kids responsibility in increments and make sure they can handle it before giving them more.
• Develop critical thinking and independence. Ask open-ended questions instead of giving instructions, set clear boundaries but allow choices within them, encourage problem-solving by guiding rather than solving. Kids learn best by doing not by having things done for them. It helps promote resilience and perseverance, too. Both are important life skills.
Tools and Resources to Help You Thrive
The right tools and resources can help build your confidence and expertise as a parent educator. Here are a few:
• School Zone learning products – One challenge that many homeschool parents face is similar to the “back when” days of one-room schoolhouses: how to teach kids of different ages and abilities “all at once.” School Zone workbooks, many with tear-out pages for individual worksheets, can be used to move up to the next level and as a refresher for specific skills as needed. Learning Kits, packed with games, books, workbooks, and more offer lots of learning options for one child but also creative ways to keep multiple kids busy and learning. Additionally, a single household subscription to Anywhere Teacher online learning program for kids ages 2-8, allows more than one child access on different devices or by turn-taking.
• Mindfulness and reflection tools – Sometimes slowing down, taking a deep breath, and reflecting for a moment can be the best “next.” The Mindfulness website discusses the benefits of mindfulness and offers a Mindfulness Toolkit including tip sheets and audio lessons.
• Parent support groups, blogs, and online communities – As noted earlier, trusted resources are important to building confidence, and those who have “been there, done that” are in an excellent position to guide, mentor, or just swap ideas on what has worked for them. For example, Google “Tips for a Family New to Homeschooling” or “Best Advice for New Homeschoolers” plus the word Reddit, and you’ll discover threads loaded with good ideas. They include (in the former) strategies for managing homeschooling grade-schoolers while also raising toddlers and how to “buy time” with one child of any age while working with another of a different age. The Homeschool Resources Group Facebook page has more than 174,000 members, and TheHomeSchoolMom website has a post, "My Favorite Homeschooling and Parenting Podcasts," that leads to more resources.
Trust the process
Yep, we hear that phrase a lot, but it’s so true of so much, including homeschooling. Gretchen Rubin, author of the New York Times Bestseller The Happiness Project, coined the phrase “The days are long, but the years are short.” Those few words capture life in general. They acknowledge how hard parenting can feel yet how our kids grow up before we know it.
Add the role of educator, and building confidence and flexibility takes time—both for you and your child. With each step it’s important to celebrate progress, not perfection. Sometimes it can be tough to let go a little, to step back, yet also stay engaged. But the positive impact can be huge. It goes a long way to effective communication and positive relationships. There is a lot of truth to the old saying about “the best laid plans…” Flexibility lets you meet your child where they are, not where you had planned they would be. As Reframe Parenting notes, “Flexible thinking helps kids adapt to change and manage emotions.” They point out that it works for grown-ups too! Consistency of effort and simply staying on course also count for much. Model to kids the behaviors you want to see reflected back!
The homeschool journey is exciting and often full of surprises. Explore resources and tools, including those from School Zone, to help support you and your kids in making that journey a great experience.
Shop School Zone Learning Products
