The next time your child says, "I can't do it," think carefully about whether it's really time to jump in and do it for them or whether a little more struggle could be their friend.
Helping children learn perseverance is one of the most important ways parents can build confidence and resilience in their kids.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
It’s a simple phrase that captures an important life skill: perseverance.
Why Kids Need to Struggle (a Little)
The next time your child says, “I can’t do it,” pause before jumping in to solve the problem. Sometimes a little extra challenge can be exactly what helps kids grow.
Michele Borba, Ed.D., writing for CNBC Make It, says, “Through my research as a child psychologist, I’ve found that perseverance is the No. 1 soft skill that sets kids who are highly motivated apart from those who give up easily. In fact, studies have supported that it is a stronger predictor of success than IQ.”
Perseverance is harder to teach than it used to be. When information, entertainment, and rewards are available instantly — a tap, a swipe, a “like” away — children naturally begin to expect quick results. That makes the moments when something takes time and real effort feel more frustrating than they used to. Which is exactly why building perseverance matters more now than ever.
Kids who develop perseverance stay motivated even when things feel difficult. They believe their effort will pay off — and that belief helps them keep going when challenges arise.
Why Letting Them Struggle Can Be Hard
When children become frustrated with a task — finishing a puzzle, solving a math problem — parents often feel the urge to step in immediately.
That instinct is natural. We want to ease their discouragement. Sometimes we’re short on time. And sometimes our own patience is running thin. Giving children time to work through a challenge, even something like putting together a puzzle, helps build the mental stamina they’ll need later in life.
Try This with Your Child
The next time your child says “I can’t do it,” try responding with one of these questions:
- “Show me what you’ve tried so far.”
- “What do you think you could try next?”
- “Let’s break this into smaller steps.”
Even small moments of persistence can build confidence.
Start Early: Perseverance Begins in Preschool
Bright Horizons references Angela Duckworth, author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, and defines her use of grit as a child’s “ability to confront challenges with optimism and persistence.” The article says, “You can help your child develop grit by encouraging them to embrace challenges as opportunities and persistently pursue their goals.”
One simple way to introduce perseverance to younger children is through stories — and there are some wonderful picture books that do it masterfully.
The Most Magnificent Thing, a picture book by Ashley Spires, demonstrates the importance of not giving up and how to deal with the frustration and anger of failure.
In Sometimes You Win—Sometimes You Learn for Kids!, bestselling author and motivational teacher John C. Maxwell shows that, as the Amazon description notes, having the right attitude can help turn a loss into a win.”
Set Kids Up for Success
When a task will require patience, prepare children ahead of time and let them know it may take a while.
For example:
- learning to ride a bike
- finishing a craft project
- planting a garden
- building a LEGO kit
Breaking a task into smaller steps helps children avoid feeling overwhelmed. Each small success builds confidence and encourages them to keep going.
Teach Perseverance by Example
Children learn a great deal by watching the adults around them.
Talk openly about challenges you’ve faced and how you worked through them. Share stories about:
- learning a difficult skill
- practicing something over time
- working toward a long-term goal
Kids often see the final result but not the effort behind it. When parents talk about the patience and persistence behind success, children begin to understand that perseverance is part of every accomplishment.
Encourage Effort — Not Just Results
When your child sticks with something difficult, recognize their effort.
Try saying things like:
- “I saw how hard you worked on that.”
- “Great job sticking with it.”
- “You didn’t give up even when it was frustrating.”
These moments reinforce the message that persistence matters more than perfection.
Building Perseverance through Practice
Perseverance grows through regular practice and repeated effort.
Learning tools that encourage kids to try again — whether through puzzles, flash cards, write & reuse workbooks, or digital learning activities — can help children build skills step by step while developing the confidence that comes from progress.
With patience, encouragement, and opportunities to keep practicing, children begin to discover an important truth:
They can do hard things.
